So after finally having internet again, I had some thoughts. Adjusting to a different environment is a little strange at first. Not just your surroundings but even in your daily routines. I unpacked all my things, furnished half of my new room, and organized a bunch of other stuff I'd been putting off for some time. It's funny the things I've managed to get done under "simpler" circumstances.
The point of this post however is not some new-found appreciation and/or rejoicing of minimalism. I am still very much a material man and my materials are still my greatest solace and hope for the future. My point is this: yes, I've gotten some things done in my down time, and I suppose some down time is good for everyone, but certain habits aren't always replaced by productivity in their stead. In my youth I had nothing but down time. I spent that time occasionally hanging out with friend(s?) but mostly playing a LOT of games. More importantly, the position I was in only led me to unproductive endeavors with most the time I had. It's hard to imagine where I'd be right now without the internet.
The truth of the matter is, life before the internet was very dark and lonely. I'm a very awkward individual and it takes a very uncommon combination of traits to get along with me. Through the internet I met my eventual love interests and most of the friends I still keep in touch with now. With it came a sense of connectivity, belonging, and growth. Look at where I'm at now. I've finally moved out. My roommate is not only someone able to tolerate all of my bullshit and nonsense but also willing to lend a hand and an arm. I've known him for some 8 odd years, and it is all thanks to the internet.
When I look back at the darkest period of my life, I think, 'had things been different they could have gone much worse'. For all its evils, I cannot overlook the merits of being able to circumnavigate a smaller world and finding its rare gems. We sometimes can look back on things with rose-colored glasses, or things don't seem as bad once you are out of the moment. Like, when I look back on those first few years with Betty, they were actually some of the happiest times in my life, even though I didn't realize it at the time. Conversely, the period of time before I had a computer may not have been my saddest or most extreme, but they were my most uncertain and confusing and I didn't even know the meaning of hope. Now years later, after countless undulations of peaks and valleys, I'm one step closer to where I want to be.
So I did not despair at suddenly finding myself cut off from the rest of the world. Rather, I embraced this unexpected opportunity. However, when all's said and done, I do not desire "simplicity". The meaning I've been able to carve out for myself has only been possible due to this double edged digital tool. And so I guess my ultimate point is, I think the internet saved my life...
The internet is like my Weighted Companion Cube